Making the decision to leave home & pursue a career in a new city can be intimidating enough, but transitioning to a long distance relationship may seem to be the hardest part of it all.
If you don’t know already, I’ve been in a relationship with the sweetest, most selfless, guy for exactly 3 years (officially), TODAY! No really, I’m not joking, although if you know us personally, you’d know how fitting it is that our anniversary is on April Fools Day. During college, my boyfriend, Ryan, and I met playing collegiate soccer at Carroll University in Waukesha, WI, and shared many mutual friends. We spent time together everyday during college, until I graduated, moved to Milwaukee, & started working as an RN. After that, we saw each other every, sometimes every other, weekend. Until… travel nursing. I remember first bringing up the idea to him in July of 2018 while on a weekend getaway in Door County, WI. He simply said, “I want you to do whatever is going to make you happy. I’ll always support you & we will make anything work.” Sounds like a keeper, right? I knew that I had to take this opportunity or I’d forever be asking myself “what if,” even if it meant leaving the person I love the most.
Long distance can be challenging & requires intentional efforts every single day by both people. Here are some valuable tips that eased the transition & helped keep our relationship strong while apart…
Communication
Surprise, surprise- I’m sure you saw this one coming. We all know communication is key within all relationships, but it becomes especially imperative when long-distance becomes a factor. Since you’re not spending much time together anymore, high quality conversation is essential. “I’ve just always been terrible at texting & calling.” WELP- you better get good at it, because your relationship is dependent on it now. Whether it’s a quick phone call on your way to work, or before you both go to bed, use this time to your advantage & don’t just go through the motions. Be engaged in conversation by asking about your partners plans for the day & how it went. A fun way I’ve learned to share is through the “Highs,” & “Lows,” game, where you reflect on a positive and not-so-positive part of your day. Example: The high of my day was that I treated myself to coffee at Java Man & had a great workout at the gym. My low was that I got peed on at work (it has happened to the best of us), & it rained all day. This is a great tool to keep both people interactive within the conversation & segue into discussing other topics. Make things fun by playing games like: 20 questions, Never Have I Ever, or asking other random questions such as “what’s your favorite…” You might be surprised to learn new things you never knew about each other!
Take Time
Just because you are not physically together, does not mean that you can’t spend quality time with one another! The beauty of our world today is that you never have to go a day without seeing your loved one- thank you technology! No matter the time allotted, make an effort to see each other face-to-face daily using FaceTime, Facebook Messenger (our go-to), Skype, etc. Bummed you can’t go on a date? Have one at home! Our favorite date night included eating dinner & watching a T.V. show or new movie, together. Video chat each other in, prop the screen up to face yourself (like a selfie), mute the chat volume, & talk during commercials! After what seemed silly at first, these interactions became our norm & were an important supplementation to the time we were used to spending with one another. As humans, we subconsciously display body language in correlation with our current feelings & mood, which can not always be portrayed by telephone call. Sometimes when video chatting with Ryan, he’d ask, “what’s wrong,” as my mood clearly communicated a rough day at work or I displayed a sad affect. This exemplifies the importance of face-to-face interaction & acknowledges the inevitability that bad days will still happen & serious conversations will still be needed, even from all the way across the country. Unfortunately when you’re away, it’s likely you’ll miss some special occasions, birthdays, & holidays. This year, I was unable to celebrate Ryan’s birthday with him, but thanks to amazon prime, I was able to 2-day ship a gift & still put a smile on his face. Capitalize on the opportunity to surprise your significant other & make them feel special such as sending a: hand written letter, gift card, care package, local pizza, edible arrangement, flowers, or other sweet gesture to validate your feelings for them, even while away.
Visit Often
While thankfully there are many resources at our fingertips to keep us connected with our loved ones while apart, they will never replace the value of the moments shared in-person, together. Unless you’re separated internationally from your partner, you’re likely just a hop, skip, & a short flight away from reuniting. Plan trips in advance to see each other & don’t forget- relationships should be an equal partnership, so take turns visiting! One perk of long distance relationships is it gives both individuals the chance to travel often, sometimes to places they have also never been to before. While in your significant others city, explore & find new things that neither one of you have done. In Los Angeles, Ryan & I hiked new trails, toured the city of Santa Monica including the world famous pier, made our acting debut in a Sony commercial, & tasted many local eats! Be sure to document your experiences with photos, videos, & a journal about your favorite parts- these memories are irreplaceable and you’ll thank yourselves down the road.
Set A Timeline
While being in a happy, healthy, long distance relationship is definitely possible, distance likelywon’t separate you forever. When I decided to start travel nursing, I made a personal commitment to travel for at least one year out of Wisconsin. I clearly communicated this to Ryan so that he wasn’t blindsided or expecting me to return home after my first contract. We discussed other options, including: moving in together when I stop travel nursing, him joining the travel train with me, & just taking it day by day and seeing where it all leads. Regardless of what your current plan for the future may be, don’t neglect to discuss it in detail with your significant other. Avoid the hurt feelings or disappointment by ensuring you both are on the same page with your individual goals & how they align with yours as a couple for the future.
Together At Last
After Ryan drove 30 hours with me to my first job in beautiful Hermosa Beach, CA, our perception regarding him traveling with me seemed way less far fetched. The reality is that there’s just so much world out there to see & we realized that there’s nobody we’d rather discover it with than each other. With that being said, Ryan took the same leap of faith as I, moved out to California in February to join our new adventure, & we haven’t looked back since! Though we can confidently say we learned a lot about ourselves & it overall strengthened our relationship being apart, we couldn’t be happier to be sharing this exciting experience, together at last.
